erynn: Gaelic merman image (AAAAAIIIGHH!)
Today was the last day for this session of the spirituality group at the VA. We have a two week break, then back to it for another 10 or 12 weeks. I'd been keeping an eye on twitter while I checked my email in the morning. WSDOT was putting up alerts about a really bad accident right around the West Seattle Bridge that had traffic backed up for about 11 miles. Armed with that information, [ profile] gra_is_stor and I left early and went down 99 and around up behind Capitol Hill, but we still arrived about 40 minutes late for my appointment. It took two hours to drive what usually takes only about 45 minutes. There were accidents everywhere along the roads today. I have no idea what was going on, unless people were so messed up by the rain today.

As we were driving south, I got a call from another realtor, who wanted to bring people by. I told her to go ahead and do that. I mentioned the dog in his crate and said I wouldn't be home until evening.

After the VA, we went over to Travelers. I hadn't seen Leon or Allen in a while, and it was good to talk with them. Leon was really sweet to me, and I had a lovely thali before we headed up to the hill. Traffic was still a mess, even northbound (when we were done at Travelers, apparently southbound I-5 was backed up nearly to Lynnwood), so we stopped by Edge to say hi. I hadn't been in there in quite some time, and hadn't actually seen Robert in even longer, as he hadn't been in the last time I visited. He hadn't been aware of my dizziness, or that I was trying to move to Italy, so we talked about that and I picked up some road opener stuff to do a ritual to help move things along through the inevitable bureaucratic tangle.

When I got home, I dropped into skype to hang out with [ profile] random_nexus and schmooze about a fic she's working on, then I talked to [ profile] lwood for a while. Most of the people I talk to seem to think that my potential move to Italy is a done deal, even though I have tried to be really clear that this is just something I am trying to do. People are all asking me if I've already moved back to Seattle when they see me, not realizing that I can't do that unless and until the condo sells. I can't always remember who I've told what, so I end up having to tell the sordid tale over and over. I worry that I'm being too repetitive or too needy or too something. My friends all tell me that I'm not being burdensome about the whole thing, and I am being assured on a fairly frequent basis that I am loved and appreciated, which is making this whole stressful thing much easier to deal with. I'm still not entirely certain why I haven't collapsed in a whimpering heap yet.

Tomorrow about noon, the contractors are coming by to finish up the bathroom with some texturing and a coat of paint. I'm not sure how long that will take. [ profile] gra_is_stor says there is a party at Michael's place tomorrow evening and that she needs to be there by 6pm. There will be music (their band is playing), and firespinners. We'd have to leave by 5-ish, I imagine. If the painting is done by then (I am pretty sure it will be, but can't be certain until I talk to the contractors), then I'll be happy to go. There may be a hot tub involved...

Her friend Kent says he will help me with the whole "impress the Italian bureaucrats" fashion project. I'm to come up with a budget and he will haul me around and get me into clothes that will be less alterna-goth-steampunk and more mainstream, while still being reasonably comfortable for me as a human being. We shall see how that goes.

Geordie wasn't able to come down today due to a scheduling kerfuffle but, considering the traffic misery, that was probably for the best. He had hoped to come down Saturday with a friend who is driving to Seattle, but there's not enough room in the car. Instead, he'll be coming down next Wednesday and I'll probably pop on the bus and meet him down in Everett. The 510 does run from the park & ride here to the Everett central depot (it's one stop away), so we can hop back on the bus and have maybe a 15-20 minute walk back from the park & ride to my place once I meet him at the Greyhound. I'm hoping it doesn't rain, as at that hour of the night it's going to be a while between busses and we'll have to be waiting outside.

Today was frustrating and tiring, though more for [ profile] gra_is_stor than for me, given she was driving. Still, we got through the chaos. Tomorrow I have emails to write that I didn't get to today.

erynn: Gaelic merman image (d'oh!)
I got a ton of stuff done today. Patrick came by and did some more work here at the house and I boxed things, shifted stuff to the garage, cleaned, and moved furniture. [ profile] randwolf came by as promised and we moved a bunch of book boxes into my new storage unit on the hill. I've sorted all the stuff that I'll be sending to the archival library into a couple of large boxes to take over to the mailout place when a car is available. They'll have to be put into FedEx boxes of some sort as these are not shipping boxes. They're really only suitable for just carrying stuff, but it will be good to get them out of here.

The place is a lot less cluttered now, which is good, but is feeling desperately empty, which is not so good. I have a lot of shelves that are empty of books, but covered with small things that need to go into boxes so that they can be packed properly.

I still have a ton of things to do before the real estate agent gets here Friday.

As to the stupid, while I've been dealing with stuff here, I have occasionally put stuff in the fireplace and burned things like old herbs, papers with personal information on them, and other type things. I did that today but tossed a couple of candles in the pile without really thinking it through. Wax was melting all over the place, and at one point it got so hot I thought it was going to start the wooden handle of the fireplace door on fire. I couldn't get it open, so I zapped it with the fire extinguisher. Which shattered one of the tempered glass plates on the four panel folding door. On the other hand, better than burning the place down, you know?

It's kind of a mess. It's largely cleaned up but I've got a call in to a fireplace place to have somebody come and replace the panel and maybe see if there's any wax all run down below the fireplace inside, hopefully before the real estate agent gets here on Friday at 1pm. It was stupid. It will probably be kind of expensive to deal with. On the other hand, I've been pushing myself really hard and just plain wasn't thinking clearly when I did this.

I still have some cleanup to do, but most of it won't be too bad, it's just messy and yet another complication when I don't need one.

On the good end of things (in addition to getting a bazillion things done today), I was talking to one of my neighbors who used to do real estate (he actually sold several of the units at the condo here in past years), and he said that the market is getting better and prices are going up. I don't know if it will be enough of a rise in prices that I won't still have to do a short sale, but we shall see what happens.

I've had a couple of inquiries on the cargo bike. One person was asking about possibly coming over tomorrow to have a look at it, hopefully before I leave for the VA appointment at 2pm.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (all your books!)
After not having heard back from the guy at the New Alexandrian Library after I sent the tapes to him, I emailed Macha today about the issue and he emailed; apparently his emails got lost in the aether somewhere. Anyway, he says to send things along, which means that my issues of Pagan APA and APA Tarot will have a new home, I suspect, along with a bunch of various issues of Pagan magazines. I don't have the collection I used to. Over the years I've got rid of a lot of things or given them to other people, but there's a fair collection of them here, and tapes and videos of presentations I've given or have been at. He'd said he couldn't guarantee they would keep all of them, but that they would at least try to find homes for whatever they didn't need. I'm good with that. When I have access to a vehicle, I'll haul things over and they will pay the FedEx fees for me to send them things.

Huge amounts of taking things off the walls in the living room, sorting through things, packing my bronzes from India and Tibet, and moving a little stuff out to the garage got done today. I got a call back from the storage place on Capitol Hill and have arranged a ride to get down there Wednesday to sign for the unit and take the first load of boxes over there. I have to inventory the boxes first so I have a running list of everything that goes into the unit for when I do move to Italy (if I get there).

It was an emotionally really hard day; the more stuff comes down, the less this place feels like my home anymore. It's becoming a hollow shell of what it once was. It's going to be hard being here during the transitional period, between listing the condo and actually moving away, when most of my things are in storage and my life has been pared down materially to a shadow of itself. I have a candle burning tonight for my Brigid flamekeeping shift, but the most recent candles I bought for it are absolute crap and won't stay lit.

I got a call from the VA today to schedule the MRI. I need to be there an hour ahead of time for some kind of contrast medium IV, and I need some lab work before I do the appointment for some kind of baseline; that I will probably try to do on Thursday, if there's enough time after my weekly group. The MRI is scheduled for Friday, August 9th. I'll need to get a couple of my piercings removed over at Laughing Buddha before then, as I can't get them out (and probably not back in, either) by myself. Most of them are fine and easily doable, but the nose piercing and one of my ear piercings are just painful to try to deal with. I haven't tried doing the eyebrow piercing myself, but we'll see how that goes. I'll get them put back in again afterwards, as well. Worth the money to get a pro to do it if doing it myself is going to hurt me.

Tomorrow, Patrick is supposed to come by to help me do things for a few hours. I'm going to have to get more packing peanuts before I can pack more books. I used the rest of them packing the bronze statues in one box. I have a few things I could wrap in some bubble wrap and put in small boxes, but for the most part, I need the peanuts for filling in the edges around books in boxes so they won't bend each other too much. The mailing outlet down the street can be walked to, and they do have peanuts, though we may have to make a couple of trips. Patrick doesn't have a car, so it'll be walking and carrying things; peanuts are light but pretty bulky, and it needs to get done. There will probably also be some cleaning done, and perhaps photos of my bicycle so that I can list it on craigslist.

[ profile] gra_is_stor might come by tomorrow as well. We shall see - she wasn't feeling too well today, so didn't come, even though she'd hoped to. She's also got a lot to do at her own place at the moment.

And now, since I'm expecting Patrick sometime around noonish, I should ought to crawl off to bed. I didn't sleep well at all last night and am hoping to do a little better tonight.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Judeo-Christian father cult?)
I managed to sell the cd/dvd shelves today. The gal came by at about 10am to pick them up, no problems, handed me the cash I requested, and we were good to go. I helped her haul them out to her SUV and waved them goodbye.

The rest of the day was largely consumed with the affairs of bookshops. I went to pick up the first installment of Mary's payment to me (the second comes in two weeks) for the books she bought. While this was happening, and while Merlin and I hauled the rest of the books back to the car, [ profile] ingvisson hauled the cds down the block to Easy Street and got them started on sorting through them. Once I was done at Merryweather Books, I wobbled down to Easy Street, where I hung out mostly in the cafe with a Limonata while things happened. I picked up cash for music, then we hauled the rest of the books, the music, and the vids down to Half Price Books in the U District.

They spent about two hours sorting through things (there were several people ahead of me) and [ profile] ingvisson and I walked over to Cedars for a bit of lunch while we waited. We got back before they were done, so I hung around and waited on a hard nasty chair upstairs (I didn't want to have to negotiate the stairs today more than absolutely necessary) until they finished. They also gave me a handful of money.

When I got home, I had a packet of PDF papers in email from the real estate people. I've filled out most of the forms they requested (stressful and involving looking at my financial situation and detailing it several separate times on different forms), sent them some questions about other things, and will spend a little time considering what to say in the letter they want from me describing the hardship issue that is causing me to have to sell the place. I was too emotionally and energetically fried to write the letter today, after having to fill out all those forms.

It's pretty obvious that the most common problem for these things is people being unable to continue to pay the mortgage for whatever reason. I don't have a problem with that, but can't continue to live here anyway. It's at moments like this that the time I spent working for an insurance attorney will stand me in good stead, as I used to have to draft letters to be sent to the insurance companies describing how the victim's quality of life was diminished, make an argument for payment of medical bills and compensation for pain and suffering, and all that kind of stuff. That is, in a modified fashion, what I need to do here.

Their documents PDF contains some instructions and a basic template, which is reasonably useful, but their note about "thank the lender" contains the example, "Thank you so much for considering helping me. God bless you." I am having a major WTF here, but it's not like I have to care, because it's not language I'm required to use. I'm just annoyed that they are throwing religion into this for no reason whatsoever. I hate that some people assume you are somehow a better or more "worthy" person if you throw in a "god bless you" when you are begging for something. It is incredible bullshit. I am annoyed. I am also having cramps to my toes again, so this may well play into the level of my annoyance.

The PDF also gave me a rough timeline for the sale. They said if things go quickly and well, it may be 3-4 months before I can get out of here. If things for some reason do not go well, it could be up to a year. Both of these are not good, but I'm hoping for the shorter option. I don't know if I can do a year here with things as they are, and with people coming in and out of my place at whatever ungodly pre-noon hours of the day to look at it. It basically means I'm going to spend the next several months possibly getting phone calls with maybe 20 minutes notice to vacate the premises (including getting the dog out), or that people will be coming in while I'm down at the VA and the DoDC+3 is in his crate, where he will be noisy and upset. There's not a damned thing I can do about this, either. So please put in some good words to whatever deities or spirits (or good vibes or whatever) you so choose that this will be as fast as possible and that we won't have too many disturbances in not-very-controllable situations.

I have two days of VA appointments, then I will have some time to deal with more packing.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Northwest forest)
I was contacted by the referred realtor today, and we are going to schedule something for next week for him (or one of his associates, as he's out of town most of next week) to come over and talk about the condo and my options. He said he's done over 900 short sales, so he obviously has a clue here, which I am pleased by. They also have a real estate attorney affiliated with the office, who can answer questions for me if I have any. This will no doubt come in handy regarding tax issues, as I don't want to be stuck showing a "profit" I have to pay taxes on that is actually just me in a huge financial hole.

Craigslist came through for getting rid of the chairs, but I was listing them for free to just come and haul them off. It seemed about par for the course here. I still haven't sold the bed. On the up side, it looks like the guy who picked them up will be sending the chairs and a bunch of tables to a school in Africa, so they will be put to good use. Go go gadget activism.

As far as books, I packed another box of poetry books, then spent much of the rest of the day sorting a lot of my other books into categories on separate shelves or in separate sections so that they will be at least vaguely organized when I get around to packing them. Huge shelf of shamanism, several shelves on Eastern religions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism, Shinto), astrology, etc. I'm afraid I was wobbling around a fair bit with the dizziness from all the activity. While the vertigo doesn't go away, it does sometimes get worse with a lot of activity, and I was really active today. Despite that it feels like I'm just shuffling things around, I'm actually consolidating things so that they'll be easier to deal with as I pack them. Needless to say, this cranks my anxiety level like crazy.

The condo association is going to wash the windows on Thursday. I pulled the screens from a couple of the windows but wasn't able to get the one out of the window in my bedroom. They're just going to have to suck it up, because it was leave it there or break the thing. It wasn't quite the same as the others. I don't know if it's in backwards or what, but I couldn't get it out from the inside and I'm not going to go around the back of the building to try to deal with this.

Tomorrow is shrinkage. Thursday is neurology, possibly my spirituality group (if I get out of neurology in time), and then a Bach concert over in Magnolia. Friday the condo association's contractor comes in the afternoon to look at the damage to the bathroom ceiling in the guest bathroom. Saturday, Jay is coming by and there will be bad movies. That's about as far ahead as I want to think right now.

I need some tylenol.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (10 ceirt)
So nobody came last night for the bed. I am still waiting on word from the guy whose friend was supposed to come and help him (he couldn't last night) about whether they will be here tomorrow.

Tomorrow morning, sometime between 8am and noon, PUD will be here to pick up the freezer from my garage. It was here when I bought the place, and I haven't used it in forever. I wasn't sure if it still worked, but it does, which is good because they only accept working freezers and fridges for recycle. I spent a good 45 minutes shoving things around in the garage to get it accessible for the PUD people, then plugged it in and was happy to hear it rev up like some low-flying airplane.

Late this afternoon, [ profile] gra_is_stor came by and we mailed off a couple more boxes of books to folks who bought them. Last day for buying anything from the database will be Thursday. After that we went to the UHaul to pick up boxes to pack the parts of my library that are staying with me. Once I get things suitably started with packing, I'll need to go rent a storage unit somewhere in Seattle to keep my things while I'm selling the condo and looking for a small place down there prior to (hopefully) moving to Italy.

One of the folks from the local steampunk group came by and picked me up, and we went out to join others of our company at a Mexican place over in Snohomish; it was a really lovely evening and we sat on the outdoor patio over the river in the sunshine and the cool breeze. The food was good, as was the company, but I couldn't stay too long after dinner, as I was tired and the dizziness was catching up with me.

When I got home I did a little bit of writing and some Italian language stuff online. Overall a very busy day, but I still feel very up in the air about what is supposed to be happening with the bed. I probably won't know anything until tomorrow evening after 5:30 from the guy who wanted to buy it. He's as much at somebody else's transportation mercy right now as I am. Still, this whole craigslist thing is annoying as hell and I'm not keen on using it much unless I have to. To date I have sold exactly Jack and Shit through them, though I am still holding out some hope about the bed.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Illya "Missed it by this much")
I got a query about the bed today and they were coming over to pick it up but their vehicle wasn't quite big enough to handle the whole thing, so they are coming tomorrow with a truck. I'll ask them to help me move the bed-couch into the bedroom so I can sleep on it. I cleared out the space for moving the mattress through and swept up omg dust monsters from beneath the bed. They seemed quite pleased with it, so I should have it out of here by 8pm tomorrow, I'm guessing.

Irish class was here this evening but I felt really out of it. Still feeling crappy about Garuda, but I keep telling myself it really did have to be done. This isn't like clearing out the library, it's more like hacking off a limb after having had a car for 12 years and now having to depend on everyone else again. At least when I move back to Seattle for the interim, I will be able to take public transit with some vague semblance of reliability.

Tomorrow [ profile] gra_is_stor will be taking me down to the mail outlet to send out the packages of books that have been paid. I have a fair stack of them, and also sold some more books today from the database. I'm waiting for another person from Canada with a US mailing address to send me the payment for the books she requested. I also have to pay the bills, yay. *sigh*

Tuesday I'm hoping to get a ride to the steampunk social. We shall see if any of the usual suspects are willing. I'm still struggling along with the Italian. The heat is shredding my memory about as much as the stress, but I still think I'm doing more or less okay. I saw random Italian on Tumblr today and recognized several of the words so I got the gist of the conversation, which was nice.

And now I am going to try crawling off to bed. Maybe I can avoid too many sniffles.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Wile E WTF)
So today I woke up to an email from Google telling me that the account associated with my seanet email address had its password changed. That account was never used for anything other than admin on my Searching for Imbas blog; I'd forgotten the password some time ago and had never done anything with it, so the blog is actually administered from my gmail account. I attempted to go and get control of the seanet Google account back but could not because I couldn't remember when the account was created or when the last time I'd logged into it was. I went and removed it from the Blogger account, though.

Later today I got an email from Google Play saying that somebody in Tacoma had ordered something from them. The Visa used was not an account number I am familiar with. After a couple of hours of searching various Google websites and help pages, I called to try to have the order cancelled. The help desk person said they'd do that if they could.

Several hours later, I got another email saying the thing had shipped. I called again and tried once again to explain things to people. I got shuffled over to Google Wallet, which is a service I have never used. After a lengthy struggle, I managed to convey that I had not ordered the item, that the address it was being shipped to was not mine, the credit card was either not mine or had expired years ago, and that I wanted any and all Google accounts associated with my seanet address deleted. I think that might have finally been accomplished. I was very clear with them that I had nothing to do with this order and, if they get defrauded because of it, I am in no way responsible for any costs associated with the mess.

My actual seanet email account and website appear to be fine, but if you get any emails from me from my seanet account that don't actually sound like they are from me? Let me know because there might have been further consequences of this incident. As far as I know, there should be no issue, but I just want people to be aware of what happened.

I've been feeling like complete crap the past couple of days anyway, and the depression is getting to me pretty badly. I talked last night to [ profile] man_of_snows and today to [ profile] ogam about different aspects of things I'm struggling with, which was nice. Skype text chat is pretty useful when the system actually bothers to send the messages. Sometimes they seem to just get stuck in the great bit bucket in the sky.

I'm doing my best, but it's hard right now. Not knowing what's happening or how to alleviate the problem is confusing and frightening, and the dizziness compounds the usual fibro fog to a truly awful degree. Sometimes simple conversations can get a little confusing. If I find out that the dizziness is permanent, at least that's a place I can work from. Not knowing is the hardest part of this.

And I feel like I'm complaining a lot here lately, for which I apologize. I know this isn't anything more than really inconvenient in an absolute sense. Yes, it may change my life in some extreme ways, but things could be a lot worse. That said, it's still pretty frightening. The kinds of changes I may have to contemplate are far-reaching and I wish I didn't have to think about them. Today's confusion and stress really just made things worse, but I'm doing my best to talk to people and keep on top of things.

Sometimes, however, a hug would be really nice.

Crap days

Apr. 19th, 2013 12:52 am
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Everything Hurts)
Yesterday was a pretty crap day. I was really dizzy all day long and pretty down about the whole thing. I managed to beta a fic for a friend, but that was about all I could handle. I was doing slightly better today and managed to finish up the fic I was working on for an April fandom exchange, so that was pretty good at least.

I sent off email to Ian Corrigan with a backup CC to another ADF druid I know (in case Ian for some reason isn't getting my emails), letting them know that I've cancelled for Wellspring. I had kind of wanted to wait until I heard back from Ian about this before I made any public announcement, but it's been a few days since I sent my initial note and I've heard nothing. It's just time that I admitted trying to get out to Wellspring this year is an unrealistic hope. Nothing is really going to fix it before I'd have to go and I shouldn't push myself on this.

Thankfully, next Wednesday I have a visit with my shrink and can talk with her about this. That usually helps some.

I still feel like crap, generally speaking, but am trying to refrain from sinking into a morass of negativity beyond just cancelling the trip. That I can't focus enough to write nonfiction is problematic, but less important for the moment.

For those folks who were hoping to see me either at Wellspring or on my trip out and back this year, I'm sorry. I wish things were different but I have to be realistic about my situation. With any luck, maybe I can do this next year. I'm still holding out some hope for Eight Winds, later in the summer. Perhaps things will be more stable for my by then.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (ow. Robertson Davies)
As you might guess from the infrequency of my posts recently, I'm still trying to recover from PCon and all that stuff. I'm tired and achy and breaking in the new boots is adding extra aches that I don't really need, but there's really only one way to actually get them broken in, and that's by wearing them for a while on a frequent basis. (That said, they are really awesome boots.)

Since [ profile] gra_is_stor has started doing Irish language lessons just down the street here on Sunday evenings, I've started taking classes again. I've been too out of it to get down to Seattle much on days when I'm not actually dealing with a VA appointment, unless I have several things I'm doing on the same day.

I'm dealing with a lot of brain fog since I got home. Tiredness will do that, and really kind of aggravates it. The Everett Pagan meetup was pretty good. I knew several of the folks who came, which was nice. It's easier for me to be in a group when I know more people. One of the folks who came is a Russian guy practicing Slavic Paganism. He was pretty interesting, and showed us a necklace he'd made of his god and goddess, which was some really beautifully carved and polished wood. It'll be nice to talk with him more and learn about what he's doing.

The Medieval Women's Choir concert was lovely, as usual. [ profile] ingvisson came along with us and seemed to quite enjoy himself. We really need to get tickets to the upcoming Beowulf performance with Benjamin Bagby, as it was again advertised on the back of the MWC program. I've wanted to see him perform this for years.

I've not had the focus to make further notes toward my Brigid book outline, but I'll be trying to do that later this week again. Tomorrow is the steampunk social, and I'll need to make plans toward my tea & whisky St Patricks Day thing with the Air Krakens. I'm not looking for a large group, so I'll be restricting attendance to about a dozen people.

Yesterday I emailed mom, as I owed her a response to a couple of her emails. I called a couple of weeks ago, I think, but I hadn't been posting regularly, so mom, I just didn't want you to worry that I'd fallen off the edge of the continent or something. I'm trying to keep up with things without stressing out too much.

There's a new Cadfael waiting to be viewed when [ profile] gra_is_stor has enough time to come by for it. We had considered watching it last week but didn't quite find the time for it. Both of us are feeling pretty worn down, and she's doing allergy treatments that mean she's feeling crappier than usual recently.

Once I get more of my brain functioning than just the brain stem, I have emails that I need to answer. Sleep has been a precarious and rare commodity of late, more so than usual. It means I'm feeling more scattered than normal, as well. Probably contributes considerably to the brain fog.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Ganesha)
After group at the VA today, I hung out at Travelers and started making a list of the deities and heroes I need to address for the session at PCon in February. I ended up quickly reading through 2MT on my phone to collate a list of the figures associated with healing there, but I know there are other resources I'll have to go through.

When I got home, I posted an inquiry on my FB about the problems I'm having with Google Maps and trying to plot out a multi-stop trip. One person suggested MapQuest, which works much more easily but doesn't recognize my mom's address as existing. It can get me to her town, and I can use Google Maps for the bit from the highway to her place, as that program does actually know where it is when I tell it how to look. I tried working with my GPS on the project, but that doesn't do multi-destination trips either. I can, however, probably use it from point to point for realtime directions, though I will have to see if it can find mom's place. That will require my going outside, though, (when the weather is very slightly warmer - it's 27f right now) because it can't find the satellites from inside my place. I don't want to stand around outside in sub-freezing weather while the damned thing spends ten minutes trying to think.

At least I feel like I'm making a little progress on this stuff. I'll probably get a call tomorrow from the Ashland Hostel to take my information for my bed there on my way to PCon. That'll be another thing accomplished.

A bit of stressful stuff. Possibly triggery. )
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Eggplant)
Yesterday was mostly quiet, though I did go out to the AFK. I did more planning for the east coast trip both last night and today, and I also made my reservation with the Ashland Hostel for my trip down to PCon in February.

Sadly, Ruby Sara isn't in Chicago anymore, as she's moved back down to Texas. This, however, means I can take toll-free roads around Chicago rather than driving through. I will have an opportunity to visit with the awesome [ profile] storyfan in KZoo, though, which I'm very much looking forward to. We've been writing in the same fandoms off and on for some years now. I put in a note to Owen in Providence about visiting the NECTW folks there on my way from Plymouth down to NYC.

I have a few folks to visit in NYC, one of whom will be out here later this month. I need to start making a list of places I intend to visit while I'm on the road.

While I was in Europe, I was defeated by my camera's continuous shot setting and finally, today, got it figured out. It's not nearly as fast as my previous camera, but it will do. I missed a fair bit of stuff that I would have liked to get while I was overseas because I couldn't figure out how to turn on the multiple shots function. At least now I will be able to do a little better. It does make a huge difference, given how much my hands shake. I really rely on that setting to compensate for the muscle tremors.

Today I've been having more of the "left eyeball feels splodey" headache. It's not quite bad enough to be disabling and I suspect that it had to do with the snow that came today. It only just now got down to 32f, but it had been raining/snowing much of the day. The streets and the parking lot are clear, but the cars and the grass do still have a little snow on them. I'm sure it will be gone by tomorrow, unless we get more tonight.

Tomorrow is the first of our 10-week VA group sessions in the new year. They know I will be gone for a couple of weeks in February, as I always am, but I wouldn't want to miss tomorrow's session due to either a migraine or snow. Either would be horribly annoying.

I spent a little of today giving thought to compiling my list of Irish deities/heroes who have some association with healing. I haven't actually set pen to paper yet, but have been dredging through my memory banks to get a few listed, along with the context. The headache, though, has made most things a little more laborious than they really ought to be. Staying focused is hard.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (ow. Robertson Davies)
The headache was back today. This was not happymaking, but about par for the course.

I've sent off emails to people regarding handfastings that I was asked if I could do but would not be able to either due to time or distance, in hopes that they will be able to find other folks to help. I sent what references I could.

Got copies of my poetry book sent off to the sib and to a friend, which I'd been meaning to do for some time now. I also picked up a couple of things at the store while I was out, as I was in need of them.

Today I started making plans for my road trip out to Wellspring (and hence my trip to the east coast and back), putting together the basics of a Googlemap with driving instructions to various people and places. So far, without any diversions, it's about 6,500 miles. I have plans for other stops, but need to get addresses for them before I can add them to the list. It took me a while to figure out how to set it for multiple destinations, but I've finally got that figured out. It looks like there are a bunch of toll roads, primarily out east, so I'm going to have to actually carry cash and stuff.

Despite hating to deal with phones, I called the VA today to check on a prescription renewal (not a refill) that I couldn't do online. I had left a message last Friday but didn't hear back from anyone, and nothing had been showing up on the online database, so I wasn't sure if it had been dealt with. The nurse said the scrip had been dealt with and mailed out to me, so all is well. It's just miserably hard to get a live human being on the phone and I dislike the recursive voicemail menus. I can never be sure anyone has actually got any message I leave for them.

For writing, I opened up the files for the ogam article and printed things out so that I could sit down and make some notes and edits, but that's about as far as I got with that project. The headache wasn't really letting me focus very well, and I also have to put together my outline and notes for my PCon presentation. I'll see if I can spend a little time tomorrow working on that before I head over to the AFK for the steampunk meetup.

Late this evening, I texted [ profile] gra_is_stor, who had been having a rough couple of days, and asked if she wanted to come over for food and a snuggle on the couch. She was quite enthusiastic, so came by. I cooked then we watched an episode of Raffles, a 1970s adaptation of EW Hornung's criminal answer to Sherlock Holmes. We were vastly amused. I suspect there will be more of this in our near future.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (d'oh!)
My headache isn't really getting much better (sometimes I have a mild to moderate headache for weeks on end because fibro sucks), and the cold has been getting to my knees and hips, so I doubt I am going to get out to the shrine for Hatsumode this year unless things improve drastically tomorrow. Chances of that are low.

I paid the bills today and when I tried to print out the confirmation pages and such, my printer, which has been acting up lately, finally gave up the ghost. This necessitated a trip over to the store to get a new one. I then spent a couple of hours messing about with packaging and installation and wireless setup and all that stuff before I could print the receipts. At least I have reduced the number of cables doing the spaghetti thing under the desk - being this one is wireless, I don't have a USB cable to worry about.

The new printer is an Epson. The old one was an HP. I have a spare black and a spare color cartridge for it. If you use HP 92 and 93, and you're willing to send me $20 and postage, I'll let you have the pair of them. Better if you're local and can just pick them up from me, though.

After I got all that sorted, I did go grocery shopping, mostly because the DoDC+3 was out of food and responsible dog mommies get food for their critters.

Needless to say, I got little else done. Headaches are not conducive to focus. I did print out a doc from someone who wants me to offer some comments on her PCon presentation. That was part of my frustration with the printer today. I'd meant to spend some time reading it over and giving it some thought, but just didn't have the spoons by the time I got through with everything.

I ordered in some pasta from next door. It's convenient to have a few things nearby that do deliver. I felt a little better after I ate, but not quite enough to be genuinely functional. Fortunately, my hand hurts a little less today!

There was email this afternoon from Hiraeth about publicity plans for this coming year for the press. There are a few things I need to do, including actually getting off my ass and seeing about arranging readings at Elliott Bay and Open Books if possible. I wish I wasn't so nervous about talking to strangers. It's really hard for me to send an email out of the blue and say "hey, can I maybe schedule a reading at your store." I know some people are all about talking to pretty much anyone, but being introverted on top of being anxious around talking to strangers makes it difficult for me.

And now to try and maybe do a little more about the headache and possibly get something resembling sleep.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Brigid Poet)
Got a note from Hiraeth today in their newsletter that one of my poems is in the Winter 2012 issue of Written River (it's on page 24 if you want to look). As with the previous issue, that also had one of my poems in it, the photography is gorgeous. I'll have to go order a hard copy so I can put it in my collection of Stuff I Have Published. I wasn't even expecting to have another publication credit by the end of this year!

Went down into Seattle today, and the weather was dry for a change. It was nice not to have to drive in the rain. There was a traffic backup for a while but once past that, I did okay and got to the VA at about my usual time. Hung out at Travelers for a bit afterwards. When I got home, I did dishes and tossed some laundry in the washer. It's drying now. I've also got lamb and chickpeas in the crockpot with some onion, garlic, and ginger, which will be turned into curry tomorrow.

I've got [ profile] gra_is_stor coming over tomorrow, assuming we're both in any shape to be moving around. She's not been feeling great lately either. We might just curl up on the couch and watch a movie or something. I don't know yet.

I had contemplated writing a bit tonight but am really just not focused enough for it. It was good that I managed to at least get a few of the chores around the house done. I do need to change my sheets tomorrow and do more laundry because of that. It can take a lot out of me to haul the sheets off the bed and re-make it. I just wish I had a little more energy for things.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (It's raining)
There was still some snow on the cars when I got out the door today. The parking lot and the roads were clear, but it was raining a lot. The drive down to Seattle and back was stressy because of the weather, and worse in the dark.

I talked with my shrink about writing and stuff, and realized that while, yes, I do need to be writing the ogam article (I got more done on it today), I am in part writing it as a way of procrastinating about the Brigid book. The Brigid book is really a huge project for me and I have such high goals for it that it's hard for me to just sit down and be objective about it and do it. I know I'll do okay, even if it takes me a long time. It can't possibly take longer than the ogam book did, can it? I mean, that took something on the order of 18 years from when I started writing about ogam to when I finally published the book, four false starts, and more angst and hair-pulling freaking out than I really needed. This is another project where I can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

I stayed at Travelers for a while and even then I had to go up over Capitol Hill to avoid a stall at a downtown exit that was making I5 north from Columbian Way a parking lot. I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow's drive down for the last group of the year. I'll be down later than usual because the queer Pagan meetup is also tomorrow night, starting at 7pm, so it'll probably be 9 or 10 before I head home again, and by then traffic should be entirely gone; it'll just be late night traffic. That'll be way less stressy.

When I got home I sat down and started digging into the ogam article. When I got into it, I had three pages, one of which was illustrations. Now it's at five and about two, so I got several paragraphs in and feel like I made reasonable progress. Right now I'm mostly trying to just get the information and concepts down. Later I'll try to refine it and make it more poetic and readable. Abraxas isn't a scholarly journal, though footnotes are certainly acceptable. I do want to be able to offer both sources and analysis, but also to show the creativity of the people working with ogam in constructing magical sigils and other modern work.

The other thing I got done today was poking at a concept and general outline for a fic I want to work on after I get the ogam article done. I spent a little time in chat online with [ profile] random_nexus, who helps me kick these things around until they take shape. She was, as usual, wonderfully helpful. I'd scribbled several pages of notes to myself in my small notebook while I was at Travelers this afternoon, between reading a book on sound and poetry and having some dinner. In chat we managed to refine some of those ideas a little more. I saved the notes in a doc file that I can pull up when I start to work on the story later.

I wish I had a little more confidence in my writing. *sigh*
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Feminist dialectic brings 'em)
After starting the day with a mild headache, things got rather a bit better. I was feeling fairly anxious over the elections, but I do that every time we have one. National elections tend to be much more stressful than local ones, but this one turned out reasonably well as these things go, at least in my opinion.

There's still a lot to be concerned about - drone strikes, privacy issues, indefinite detention, trans* rights, bringing people home from Afghanistan, among others. Yet we still have a president who is mostly in favor of civil rights, marriage equality has made some headway, and the right of adults over 21 to use marijuana if they wish to has apparently been passed. I'm not going to have to worry quite so much about the viciously anti-woman Republican agenda taking away the rights I've had for most of my life. Some measures apparently passed that I'm not thrilled with, but I wasn't expecting as much good news as I did get, so I'll suck it up and deal, as always.

This evening I'd been planning to go over to Picadilly Circus and hang out with the steampunks, saving any potential panic attacks for after I got home. About 8:30 local time, the presidential race was called for Obama, which meant I could defer the panic attack on that issue for another four years. I hung out with my steampunk friends for a couple of hours, then briefly visited with [ profile] gra_is_stor for a little while when I got home.

Due to the headache and not feeling that great when I got up, I deferred getting my hair cut. I'm hoping that I'll manage it tomorrow. It really is getting unpleasantly unruly. It's definitely getting into my eyes.

Mom called today and we spoke briefly. My brother and my friend in England both received their copies of Fireflies. So far, everyone seems to like it. This pleases me.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Wilde Sin)
I was walking home from the Safeway tonight when some dickwad came zipping into the parking lot of the apartments next to mine. He came up behind me while it was raining, so I didn't even hear him approach, and came within about 18 inches of me without even slowing down as I was walking across the driveway entrance. I was too stunned to do anything but gape as he just kept right on going. I have no idea if he even saw me, but I was under a fucking streetlight and on the sidewalk. Needless to say, I'm a little peeved, but okay.

That said, I set up my altar for a small Foundation Day ritual for Antinous.

Foundation Day altar

Earlier today I also posted the text with some source notes for my Samhain ritual up on the Searching for Imbas blog.

I had a headache today, so I didn't go down to the AFK as I'd hoped. It was easier to stay home for the evening. Next Tuesday will be the first Tuesday social at Picadilly Circus over in Snohomish and I do intend to make that one.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Totem emerald moth)
I was of two minds when I got up today. [ profile] gra_is_stor invited me to go to one of her bandmate's birthday party this evening. I got myself up and dressed and did my dishes, then decided I'd probably be all right.

I like the folks whose party it was. They have a really nice place. When we got there one of their guests had a kid who might have been four years old, and who was into everything. It's always hard for me to be around little kids. It's like having a porcupine jammed into my aura. I have a lot of trouble shutting out the stuff about kids that bothers me. I react to kids about the same way that some people react to fingernails on chalkboards. There was going to be a jam, and [ profile] gra_is_stor brought her harp along. M was messing about with mics and speakers and there was a lot of feedback happening off and on during the evening. Another person came and brought an infant. And stage lights were turned on and the lights turned low so that the flickering lights were doing the strobe effect thing at intervals.

Between everything, at about hour two I was feeling really stressed and out of it. We were there for about four hours total. I was so stressed out that my entire body was one giant cramp when I got home. I'm still trying to wind down from it. I've been home for about three hours and am finally getting to the point where I don't feel like a fizzing wreck. I think I may skip out on parties there unless I know they're going to be adults only, and somebody else is dealing with the mics. I was only able to turn on a little music about 15 minutes ago and be able to tolerate it.

Some people tolerate all that stuff really well. I'm not one of them. I never really have been. I can cope with large crowds for a limited time. I can cope with noise. I love going to live music shows. Something like this where I'm confined in a small space with kids and quite a few folks I don't actually know, with no control over what's happening around me, particularly when I'm tired to begin with, really takes it out of me. I'm one of those people who needs a lot of alone time at the best of times, but when I'm under the weather, I tend to be hypersensitive to anything discordant, jittery, or stressful. I love people - when they're in another building and I can talk to them via text or IRC.

I cooked some chicken rogan josh, and that helped. I discovered that two days in a crockpot on low is enough time for garbanzo beans to actually be soft and tasty - this is very useful information, as I hadn't been leaving them in that long previously, and they just weren't cooking properly. I had put them in with a lot of water, some bay leaf, fenugreek seed, a hunk of ginger root cut into half-inch pieces, and half an onion and just let them go. They were perfect for putting into the rogan josh when I made that this evening. I've also got some chicken broth now, and will be picking meat off the bones of the back and other remains sometime before I head to bed tonight.

I wasn't able to get to breaking down the boxes that I'd hoped to today, but perhaps I'll be able to get to them tomorrow. It would be nice to get them all out of the library. I may go over to [ profile] gra_is_stor's place tomorrow to help her assemble more furniture and stuff if I'm feeling like I can handle other human beings within twenty feet of me.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Book of Dreams)
Jason said that the proof copy came back today and looked really good, so he's approved printing. I've ordered some copies and should get them soon. I'll have a purchase link up for the poetry book as soon as I'm able. He said it should be sometime this weekend, as he has deadlines coming up. Here's the publicity piece I was working on for the website for them. I hope it gives a little bit of a look in on the poetry and the process.

Today's post brought a couple of Man From UNCLE books from one of the fans who was looking to reduce the number of books taking up shelf space; I filled in a couple of holes in my collection and am pleased by this. Now I think the only ones left are toward the end of the run. I don't usually go out of my way to look for them, but if things come up I don't hesitate to ask or to make an offer.

I had shrinkage today after missing last month due to health and scheduling issues. I worked through a few things that I needed to deal with, then went over to Travelers for some food and finished reading a poetry writing book I'd been poking into for a while. Talked for a bit with Leon, who was talking about London and what things to see if I ever manage to get over there. I hope I will someday. At this point in my life, I can't rule it out, after all.

While at the VA, I stopped by the Prosthetics clinic and made an appointment for Monday, as I'd been informed that the orthotics were ready and I needed to come in and have them checked out. I'll be over there in the afternoon.

Tomorrow Ursula Le Guin is reading from her new poetry collection at Elliott Bay Books at 7pm, so if you're into her work, this would be a good opportunity to see her. I'm planning on taking her poetry collection Hard Words in and hoping to have her sign it.

Also tomorrow, I have to schedule my Samhain ritual. It'll just be a small, private affair. I don't have the bandwidth to deal with the schmooze or worry about whether or not a ritual is going to happen there. I just hope I have enough brain to get something together for it soon.


erynn: Gaelic merman image (Default)

September 2013



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