Crap days

Apr. 19th, 2013 12:52 am
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Everything Hurts)
Yesterday was a pretty crap day. I was really dizzy all day long and pretty down about the whole thing. I managed to beta a fic for a friend, but that was about all I could handle. I was doing slightly better today and managed to finish up the fic I was working on for an April fandom exchange, so that was pretty good at least.

I sent off email to Ian Corrigan with a backup CC to another ADF druid I know (in case Ian for some reason isn't getting my emails), letting them know that I've cancelled for Wellspring. I had kind of wanted to wait until I heard back from Ian about this before I made any public announcement, but it's been a few days since I sent my initial note and I've heard nothing. It's just time that I admitted trying to get out to Wellspring this year is an unrealistic hope. Nothing is really going to fix it before I'd have to go and I shouldn't push myself on this.

Thankfully, next Wednesday I have a visit with my shrink and can talk with her about this. That usually helps some.

I still feel like crap, generally speaking, but am trying to refrain from sinking into a morass of negativity beyond just cancelling the trip. That I can't focus enough to write nonfiction is problematic, but less important for the moment.

For those folks who were hoping to see me either at Wellspring or on my trip out and back this year, I'm sorry. I wish things were different but I have to be realistic about my situation. With any luck, maybe I can do this next year. I'm still holding out some hope for Eight Winds, later in the summer. Perhaps things will be more stable for my by then.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (asclepius rod)
Yesterday I was over at the VA for an initial hearing test. The tech tells me that she didn't see anything wrong with the inner ear, and that my hearing in general appears to be just fine. She was going to pass the results and the questionnaire I filled out over to their weekly Monday panel to evaluate cases of dizziness and that I'll get a call next week. She also scheduled a more complicated 3 hour test for me on the 25th to see if they can figure out what is causing the dizziness.

At this point, I'm starting to think I'm not going to be able to go back east. I remember how out of it I felt doing the panels at Norwescon, and that was just me sitting around talking about fanfic. I didn't have to prepare anything, and I wasn't the sole person carrying the show along.

To be honest, I have enough trouble doing solo presentations on good days. I love doing it, but they are stressful and I deal with the whole anxiety/stage fright thing beforehand, as well as often feeling like I'm floundering even when I'm doing well. I'm sitting here trying to imagine what it would feel like to try and do three solo presentations feeling like I do right now, sitting at my desk - only exhausted from travel and living in a tent. I don't think I'll be able to.

If this were to miraculously get resolved next week, I might be able to regain enough ground to do the presentations, but I still have not done much prep work toward putting them together. I could do a basic presentation on ogam, but they want two different things on ogam and one on the history of CR, and I just don't think I'm up to it right now.

I hate that thought. I hate the fact that my body is once again screwing me over and there's currently nothing I can do about it. I went out this weekend and had a lovely time at the Abney Park/Steam Powered Giraffe show, but I was still feeling rather out of it the whole time. Nothing I do seems to help.

The audiology tech also wanted to give me a bunch of information about migraines, suggesting that maybe my migraines had changed in character from pain migraines to vertigo migraines (apparently such things exist), but I could not imagine that after nearly 40 years, they were suddenly going to go from a couple of times a month mostly triggered by hormones to over a month of constant dizziness. That makes no sense at all. A good 90% of the information on the paperwork she handed me was stuff I already knew and had no bearing whatsoever on dizziness or vertigo. I left the papers with her. I figured at least they could give them to someone who would get some use out of them, rather than me taking them home and just recycling them. I think she may have been a little frustrated with me over that, but I can't help it that I've had to deal with this stuff most of my life and I know more about what my body is doing than she does.

So I am frustrated and depressed and have yet more medical appointments to deal with, all while still not able to drive and contemplating having to cancel something I was really looking forward to doing a month from now. I still can't concentrate enough to work on writing nonfiction. I can't even work on my research because I can't focus that much at the moment.

I don't want to miss out on seeing everyone. I don't want to not be able to visit my mom. I feel like making a decision not to go is giving up, failing.

Eugene

Feb. 20th, 2013 10:42 pm
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Whitman: not all who wander)
I'm in Eugene and fried crispy. I should be out of here about 8 am and will be at Powells in the afternoon. If you'd like to get together there, let me know!

Fresno

Feb. 19th, 2013 09:59 pm
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Whitman: not all who wander)

Today I drove down to Fresno to see [livejournal.com profile] random_nexus and also met her pirate. We all went out for dinner, did fandom squee and geekery, then came back to the motel and played a round of Cthulhu Fluxx. They loved it and want to get one as well.

Sadly, the advertised "free wireless" has worked for maybe a grand total of 20 minutes today, so I am posting from my phone. feh

Tomorrow I'm heading north for Eugene at the asscrack of dawn so that I'll get to [livejournal.com profile] mythworker's at a reasonable hour. There will be rather more about the con and all when I get home.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

erynn: Gaelic merman image (get pagan sinfest)
It was a really busy weekend. I'm at [livejournal.com profile] lwood's place in Oakland tonight and will be visiting with [livejournal.com profile] random_nexus tomorrow before I head home. I'm so toasty you could spread me with marmalade and slap me on a plate beside some eggs & bacon.

More later, when I have brain cells again.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Whitman: not all who wander)
I got in to Greyhaven in mid-afternoon. Errands were run, much jollity was had, ritual was ritualed. Tomorrow will be more prep, running of errands, and packing for the con. Friday, Pagan chaos! I'll be seeing some of you there!
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Whitman: not all who wander)

Having some breakfast at Brothers' cafe before I head out for points south. Tea. Not yet conscious.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

erynn: Gaelic merman image (Whitman: not all who wander)
Traffic was smooth today though, as usual, semis were a bit of an issue. I swear they are not paying any attention to whether or not they are even in their own lane. Grar.

Had lunch with [livejournal.com profile] martianmooncrab and got myself on the road again. From Everett to here was a little under 10 hours. The clear weather and leaving an hour earlier than I usually do meant that I wasn't driving here in the pitch dark with snow falling all around (which usually ends up taking closer to 12 hours with those weather conditions). My Garmin was giving me some trouble through the passes. I'm not sure it was continuing to find satellites properly. I found it hideously annoying, as it would re-find the satellites every mile or two and tell me once again to keep driving for X number of miles on I-5 South. That went on for about 45 minutes. I'm thinking it may be time to replace the beast before I head east this summer. I may stop in Medford on the way home and see what they have, since Oregon doesn't have sales taxes. It'll be at least a little cheaper that way.

I'll be off shortly to forage for dinner. It being 7pm, I should have a pretty good selection to choose from. I may go to the Thai place just down the street, but there's a pretty nice pub that [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor and I stopped at last year that's more than acceptable as well.

The Ashland Hostel has changed management but is still just as spiffy and inexpensive as it has been in years past. Still a big thumbs up from yours truly.

On my way!

Feb. 12th, 2013 09:05 am
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Default)

I'm outta here. Next stop, Oregon City.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

erynn: Gaelic merman image (Whitman: not all who wander)
I've got all my stuff and things packed. Had pizza for lunch, so there will be leftover pizza for breakfast tomorrow. Folded the laundry and stuffed what I needed in my backpack, put the rest away. Spent several hours pondering the bits that I need and organizing things so that I will have minimal work to do in the morning beyond stuffing things in the trunk and in the passenger seat (juice, a water bottle, a little pu ehr tea, the smaller backpack with my wallet and stuff in it). I have to remember to dry out and bring along the electric kettle for the hotel room. Charging stuff for the iPad and the phone have been stuffed into the electronics bag. The SD card is in there with the cords.

[livejournal.com profile] lwood contacted me today with our room number. Much squee was had by all. Email from the Ashland Hostel confirming my reservation and instructions for getting in if I arrive after hours. I have checked the weather and it looks like there will not be snow in the pass, so that's all to the good.

Dishes got washed. I went over to the Safeway near the AFK to fill up Garuda (I had a .40/gallon discount awaiting me, yay!), and to pick up dog food for while I'm gone, then had dinner at the AFK so as not to generate lots of dishes that I'd have to wash tonight before bed.

Tomorrow morning I'm up at 7am and should be out of the house by 9am, which should put me in Portland/Oregon City by about 1pm, depending on traffic. One of my Portland friends might be joining me and [livejournal.com profile] martianmoocrab at Cedars in OC if she gets the message in time.

I had [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor over for a little bit after I got home from AFK and we watched the rest of The Tick with Brianna. And now I am about to head for bed in hopes that I will be able to get a little sleep before I head out.

I'll post before I leave and then again when I get to Ashland. Y'all have a good time without me!
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Inis Man)
I sorted out the photos I need for the pilgrimage presentation today. I had initially thought it would be easier just to slap the whole bunch onto the SD card and sort through them live, but this was me on crack. Today I spent a few hours sorting through and choosing photos that gave a feel for some of my experience, put them into folders sorted by locations, and then slapped them into one über-folder, which I did load onto the SD card and which I can turn into a slideshow with [livejournal.com profile] lwood's help when I get down there on Wednesday.

I sorted out my motel reservation in Fresno for visiting with [livejournal.com profile] random_nexus after the con. Books, visual aids, and other things are packed into my rolly bag. The laundry is in the drier and will be all nice and clean to be packed in my carry bag tomorrow. I also sewed my Isle of Man triskele onto the bag today. Cords and batteries are mostly sorted, and stuff in progress is sitting on the dining table awaiting completion. Tomorrow I should have everything packed up except my meds and stuff that I need on Tuesday morning before I hit the road.

Had a lovely chat with the #writechat peeps over on twitter early this afternoon. I hadn't talked to them in several weeks, as I'd either been busy or asleep until too late to really participate. It was really nice to catch up with a few of the regulars.

Imbolc

Feb. 3rd, 2013 12:20 am
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Lá Fhéil Bride)
We did have a small Imbolc ritual this evening. There was fire, and there was water, and there was some harp music and some meditation. I made [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor some gluten-free lavender scones. They were a bit dry, but tasted just fine. Butter of course will help them a lot.

After the ritual, I took her over to the grocery store before I took her home. I picked up a lovely pre-cooked crab for under $4.50, which was quite a steal. I'll do something interesting with it tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to poke around in a few cookbooks to see what kind of ideas I can come up with.

I'm still dealing with the mild migraine and queasiness, which is not making me happy at all.

It took me a while to figure out the scanner function on the new printer, but I got things together enough to deal with the Geilt article that I posted earlier this evening.

While I was hanging out for a bit on twitter, I talked to a friend in St Louis and, since I'm going to be passing through there anyway (and meeting one of my other friends there), I will be seeing her, as well. Depending on when I arrive there, I may or may not ask to stay for the night. Mom is about four hours from there, from what she says, so if I get in fairly late, I'm not going to want to drive in the middle of the night. I have been promised home-made moussaka. This makes me happy.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (salmon)
I actually felt together enough today for a change, and spent time with [livejournal.com profile] finnchuill's poetry manuscript. He arrived in Hawaii today and sent me a brief note about what he needs from me. I made a first pass through this afternoon and will be going over it again tomorrow to get a better feel for it.

I also spent time working on the healing deities presentation. I dredged up one additional name, but am still looking for more mythic/deific figures to add to my list. I could expand that list considerably if I were looking at other Celtic cultures, but I'm primarily sticking with Irish to keep things manageable.

Plans are being made for this weekend's Abney Park show, as [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor and I will be carpooling down to Seattle with local friends and grabbing some food beforehand. It'll be nice to introduce some new folks to the band and the local steampunk scene.

Sleep is still escaping me most of the time, but I was glad to be able to focus a little better today. I have compiled a couple of other contacts for my east coast road trip, and may get the chance to meet [livejournal.com profile] miss_adventure, who is going to law school in Toronto, which is pretty close to Niagara Falls. She says she will show me around the city, so I may spend a day up there instead of just the one night. Once I've got a more or less complete list of people, then I need to start actually figuring out travel times and visiting times to see who I will be able to fit in properly, and who I'll have to dash past for lunch or a cup of tea. I'd love to stay and hang out with people for longer, but I know that at least some folks are going to have to be a quick pass. There's so much ground to cover. Like Europe, there's only a limited amount of time I can spend traveling. That said, I'm so excited by the chance to see old friends and meet folks I've known online for years!
erynn: Gaelic merman image (egret strutting)
I've been in contact with a few more people today and got responses from some of them. Folks in Providence have been contacted, Owen passed the info along and I'm waiting to hear back. Mom suggested I get in touch with an old friend of hers in Indianapolis, though she only has a phone, no computer. I haven't seen her since I was maybe 12 or 13, which is more recently than I had seen Lowell Ford before I went to visit him a couple of years back. The phone thing will be awkward for me, but it would be nice to see her again.

Mom has been giving me some idea of drive times that she's done on her trips to various places along the way. I deal a little better with distance driving than she does, but will take her trips as a guideline.

I got confirmation on my hostel reservation in Ashland today for my trip to PCon, so that's one thing done and out of the way.

Tonight I went with a friend over to Gary and Melody's for a game evening. We played Munchkin Apocalypse, which everyone really liked, and several rounds of Zombie Dice to cap off the evening. [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor wasn't able to go, as she wasn't feeling well, but greetings were passed along and regrets extended.

Today was cold and clear, and it's down to 24f here tonight. When I drove down into Everett it was deeply foggy. When I came home, I stuck to surface streets rather than taking I-5 because I didn't want to have to worry about people going to fast with low visibility. It was less stressful that way.

Tomorrow, if I'm feeling up to it, there may be dancing in the evening. I'm hoping I'll get a little writing and prep for PCon done, as well. I got some notes from [livejournal.com profile] alfrecht that are helpful, as usual. I still need to dig out some books and do more research to add to my list of Irish healing deities. Busy Erynn remains busy. (And cold.)
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Ganesha)
After group at the VA today, I hung out at Travelers and started making a list of the deities and heroes I need to address for the session at PCon in February. I ended up quickly reading through 2MT on my phone to collate a list of the figures associated with healing there, but I know there are other resources I'll have to go through.

When I got home, I posted an inquiry on my FB about the problems I'm having with Google Maps and trying to plot out a multi-stop trip. One person suggested MapQuest, which works much more easily but doesn't recognize my mom's address as existing. It can get me to her town, and I can use Google Maps for the bit from the highway to her place, as that program does actually know where it is when I tell it how to look. I tried working with my GPS on the project, but that doesn't do multi-destination trips either. I can, however, probably use it from point to point for realtime directions, though I will have to see if it can find mom's place. That will require my going outside, though, (when the weather is very slightly warmer - it's 27f right now) because it can't find the satellites from inside my place. I don't want to stand around outside in sub-freezing weather while the damned thing spends ten minutes trying to think.

At least I feel like I'm making a little progress on this stuff. I'll probably get a call tomorrow from the Ashland Hostel to take my information for my bed there on my way to PCon. That'll be another thing accomplished.

A bit of stressful stuff. Possibly triggery. )
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Eggplant)
Yesterday was mostly quiet, though I did go out to the AFK. I did more planning for the east coast trip both last night and today, and I also made my reservation with the Ashland Hostel for my trip down to PCon in February.

Sadly, Ruby Sara isn't in Chicago anymore, as she's moved back down to Texas. This, however, means I can take toll-free roads around Chicago rather than driving through. I will have an opportunity to visit with the awesome [livejournal.com profile] storyfan in KZoo, though, which I'm very much looking forward to. We've been writing in the same fandoms off and on for some years now. I put in a note to Owen in Providence about visiting the NECTW folks there on my way from Plymouth down to NYC.

I have a few folks to visit in NYC, one of whom will be out here later this month. I need to start making a list of places I intend to visit while I'm on the road.

While I was in Europe, I was defeated by my camera's continuous shot setting and finally, today, got it figured out. It's not nearly as fast as my previous camera, but it will do. I missed a fair bit of stuff that I would have liked to get while I was overseas because I couldn't figure out how to turn on the multiple shots function. At least now I will be able to do a little better. It does make a huge difference, given how much my hands shake. I really rely on that setting to compensate for the muscle tremors.

Today I've been having more of the "left eyeball feels splodey" headache. It's not quite bad enough to be disabling and I suspect that it had to do with the snow that came today. It only just now got down to 32f, but it had been raining/snowing much of the day. The streets and the parking lot are clear, but the cars and the grass do still have a little snow on them. I'm sure it will be gone by tomorrow, unless we get more tonight.

Tomorrow is the first of our 10-week VA group sessions in the new year. They know I will be gone for a couple of weeks in February, as I always am, but I wouldn't want to miss tomorrow's session due to either a migraine or snow. Either would be horribly annoying.

I spent a little of today giving thought to compiling my list of Irish deities/heroes who have some association with healing. I haven't actually set pen to paper yet, but have been dredging through my memory banks to get a few listed, along with the context. The headache, though, has made most things a little more laborious than they really ought to be. Staying focused is hard.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (ow. Robertson Davies)
The headache was back today. This was not happymaking, but about par for the course.

I've sent off emails to people regarding handfastings that I was asked if I could do but would not be able to either due to time or distance, in hopes that they will be able to find other folks to help. I sent what references I could.

Got copies of my poetry book sent off to the sib and to a friend, which I'd been meaning to do for some time now. I also picked up a couple of things at the store while I was out, as I was in need of them.

Today I started making plans for my road trip out to Wellspring (and hence my trip to the east coast and back), putting together the basics of a Googlemap with driving instructions to various people and places. So far, without any diversions, it's about 6,500 miles. I have plans for other stops, but need to get addresses for them before I can add them to the list. It took me a while to figure out how to set it for multiple destinations, but I've finally got that figured out. It looks like there are a bunch of toll roads, primarily out east, so I'm going to have to actually carry cash and stuff.

Despite hating to deal with phones, I called the VA today to check on a prescription renewal (not a refill) that I couldn't do online. I had left a message last Friday but didn't hear back from anyone, and nothing had been showing up on the online database, so I wasn't sure if it had been dealt with. The nurse said the scrip had been dealt with and mailed out to me, so all is well. It's just miserably hard to get a live human being on the phone and I dislike the recursive voicemail menus. I can never be sure anyone has actually got any message I leave for them.

For writing, I opened up the files for the ogam article and printed things out so that I could sit down and make some notes and edits, but that's about as far as I got with that project. The headache wasn't really letting me focus very well, and I also have to put together my outline and notes for my PCon presentation. I'll see if I can spend a little time tomorrow working on that before I head over to the AFK for the steampunk meetup.

Late this evening, I texted [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor, who had been having a rough couple of days, and asked if she wanted to come over for food and a snuggle on the couch. She was quite enthusiastic, so came by. I cooked then we watched an episode of Raffles, a 1970s adaptation of EW Hornung's criminal answer to Sherlock Holmes. We were vastly amused. I suspect there will be more of this in our near future.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (writy pooped)
When I was in California I had accidentally rested my feet too long on the rim of the firepit and my flippies delaminated, so I had to buy new ones today. It was a trip over to REI for a pair of decent Tevas and some extra wool socks and a couple of other minor items I need for the trip. I got sushi for lunch. Laundry was done and everything unpacked and sorted. I haven't yet sorted and folded the clean laundry but I'll deal with that tomorrow. We went briefly over to the AFK so I could say adieu to the steampunks, and [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor met up with her bandmates, then one of her new roommates came by afterwards for some blueberries & yogurt.

Camera software got installed in the computer. I'm making a list of things that have to be done before I head out on Monday. My plane leaves at about 11:30 in the morning.

Many things got sorted into categories and stuffed into small bags (I have a bag for USB cables and plugs and such, one for the set of ogams I'm taking with me, etc and anon), some of the camping gear that's remaining here got stuck back in the camping gear bin. More needs to go back in there tomorrow, I just didn't have the brain cells today. Money was retrieved for [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor for the pupsitting duties. There were a few frustrations regarding Immanion's doing a giveaway of Circle of Stones, but things are sorted and if you're interested in winning a signed copy of the book, check the contest out over here. I won't be mailing anything out before I return, but apparently the processing for the whole thing won't be done until mid-August anyway, or at least that's the impression I got.

Photos were taken while I was visiting with [livejournal.com profile] mythworker. Here we are looking all SRS BIZNZ.

Jason & Erynn SRS BIZNZ

My camera had died while I was away and I had to buy a new one, but since I was in Oregon I didn't have to pay the sales tax, so that wasn't too awful. It does pretty much all the same things the old one did at a third of the size and maybe half the weight.

I have invitations to three different July 4th parties tomorrow. I don't know that I'm even going to be able to leave the house. So Much Stuff To Do. *headdesk*

I sleep now.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (writy pooped)
When I was in California I had accidentally rested my feet too long on the rim of the firepit and my flippies delaminated, so I had to buy new ones today. It was a trip over to REI for a pair of decent Tevas and some extra wool socks and a couple of other minor items I need for the trip. I got sushi for lunch. Laundry was done and everything unpacked and sorted. I haven't yet sorted and folded the clean laundry but I'll deal with that tomorrow. We went briefly over to the AFK so I could say adieu to the steampunks, and [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor met up with her bandmates, then one of her new roommates came by afterwards for some blueberries & yogurt.

Camera software got installed in the computer. I'm making a list of things that have to be done before I head out on Monday. My plane leaves at about 11:30 in the morning.

Many things got sorted into categories and stuffed into small bags (I have a bag for USB cables and plugs and such, one for the set of ogams I'm taking with me, etc and anon), some of the camping gear that's remaining here got stuck back in the camping gear bin. More needs to go back in there tomorrow, I just didn't have the brain cells today. Money was retrieved for [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor for the pupsitting duties. There were a few frustrations regarding Immanion's doing a giveaway of Circle of Stones, but things are sorted and if you're interested in winning a signed copy of the book, check the contest out over here. I won't be mailing anything out before I return, but apparently the processing for the whole thing won't be done until mid-August anyway, or at least that's the impression I got.

Photos were taken while I was visiting with [livejournal.com profile] mythworker. Here we are looking all SRS BIZNZ.

Jason & Erynn SRS BIZNZ

My camera had died while I was away and I had to buy a new one, but since I was in Oregon I didn't have to pay the sales tax, so that wasn't too awful. It does pretty much all the same things the old one did at a third of the size and maybe half the weight.

I have invitations to three different July 4th parties tomorrow. I don't know that I'm even going to be able to leave the house. So Much Stuff To Do. *headdesk*

I sleep now.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (writy pooped)
I got home about 15 minutes ago and unloaded the car. All is well. Met fab folks, had a wonderful time, did awesome things. More when I have brain cells to bang together tomorrow.

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