erynn: Gaelic merman image (shakespeare my latest work of genius)
I got up later than quite anticipated today. #Writechat was really slow and I was only there for about half an hour, but talked a little with some of the folks there as I caught up with the online world.

Finally, chatted, caught up, and tea'd, I dropped all my "online" stuff into the sidebar and opened up Word to work on pilgrimage stuff. I was at it off and on for several hours but by the end of the day I was finished with all the ogam sections for the morning three cauldrons meditations we'll be doing, and had also put together writing prompts/exercises for each day. They're not so much designed to teach writing as they are to get people thinking about the pilgrimage and the various aspects of their lives that may be influenced by the work we do there. I think the exercises will be interesting enough to provide material for more than just the day they're intended to serve.

Along with all that, I did laundry and dishes. One of my pans had been too burnt on the bottom last week to salvage. (That sort of thing happens when I'm trying to write while I'm cooking -- or is it trying to cook while I'm writing? Anyway.) I had to toss it and will need to get a new one of about the same size at some point, but probably not until I get back from Europe.

After I got everything written, I emailed the files off to [livejournal.com profile] vyviane and Jhenah for them to look over. Now all that's left to actually write are four rituals - closing, the incubation and dreamwork rituals, and the Airmed ritual for Heapstown Cairn. I also need to choose readings for each day, but I'd like to get at least one or two of the rituals finished first.

It was actually warm today, in the low 60s and sunny off and on. I would have liked to go walking around the lake, but I had way too much to do. I'm glad I stuck with the work, as I managed to finish what I'd imagined would take at least three more days to get through. I'm currently feeling reasonably good about my progress.

Soon, I will be hauling my butt to bed. I'll probably curl up and read for a bit before I collapse, but I do need to try and get some sleep.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (dreaming owl)
I woke up several times last night from nightmares, the worst of which involved a friend's suicide. The incident was similar to something that actually happened, but with another person, and it was utterly senseless. That's always a hard thing to wake up to, not knowing for the first few minutes what's real and what isn't. Nightmares of pursuit, of falling, of other things, they're a lot easier to process because waking up in your bed means they cannot possibly have happened. Things like that, though, dig their claws into the psyche and you don't have an immediate way of knowing they're not true unless and until you remember exactly where and when you are. Even then, one never knows if it was some kind of premonition, and that's the worst thought of all.

If you want to know why I find it difficult to sleep and am always complaining of the insomnigrackles, this is one of the reasons. Waking up with a half-formed scream in your mouth, sweating, panting, heart galloping - this is not in any way happymaking. It makes for a lousy start to the day, particularly when the physical bits aren't working properly anyway. Waking in physical pain tends only to add to the unnerving sense of reality of so many of them.

A lot of my earlier poems deal with dreams and nightmares. The images are so vivid that it's often not hard to write poetry around them. It's not the sort of lyrical thing that makes people feel good, but it can be powerful. It can make your skin crawl, make your hair stand on end. Writing these things down might exorcize them or it might intensify them, and it's hard to know until you actually take that step. Writing and poetry can be healing activities, but so often they're the knife that lances the horror enough so that it can drain away. It's not painless. Life might be easier if it were.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Deduce it)
I hung out in #writechat today, though I only woke up about halfway through it (1:30pm-ish). I had a pretty rough night and what sleep I did get was disturbed and filled with bad dreams. Nothing acutely nightmareish, but enough to leave me feeling exhausted and out of it when I did wake. I did a little talking with folks in #poetparty as well, this evening, but again only got in around halfway through, which was a disappointment; I'd been looking forward to chatting with the other poets who hang out there.

Today I tried a few things that I hadn't before when dealing with Comcast regarding the email issue. It's not just Seanet that's the problem. I tried adding my Gmail account to Mac Mail and that wouldn't send out, either, no matter what I tried. I'll tell them about that when they call back, as it means that this problem isn't isolated to Seanet but is a systemic issue.

I walked down to the store today to pick up kibble for the DoDC+3 and answered some email. I also got rhubarb for the cobbler I'm supposed to make for our Beltaine celebration on Saturday. Tomorrow [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor's bandmates will be having their Beltaine, including a bonfire (provided it's not pouring down rain), and I'll probably be going over there with her. [livejournal.com profile] ingvisson will be going as well, though we don't know yet what time things are supposed to be happening or the exact logistics of the event.

This afternoon when I was talking to the writers I hang with, I noted that Mandragora is supposed to come out on May 1st -- which I realized is Tuesday. I don't know when my contributor's copy will arrive, but that and Circle of Stones are both due out this month! I'm feeling excited and hopeful about the whole thing.

Tuesday afternoon I'm supposed to go over to UW Bothell and speak at Nicole's class about the geilt and PTSD thing again. I should probably re-read my article tomorrow after I get up to refresh my memory on all this stuff.

I didn't really get anything done toward the pilgrimage today, but I was feeling rather under the weather and didn't get much better as the day went along. Even the walk down to the store didn't help much to invigorate me. I did eat, but not a whole lot. I baked some veggies in the remains of the duck gravy I'd made, then late this evening had the last of the lamb potstickers. I pulled some ground lamb out of the freezer and am hoping to have the wherewithal to make some dolmas tomorrow, as I think I have everything I need. I know I have the grape leaves and I have rice and onions and garlic. It doesn't take that much else, as I recall, though I'll have to look up the recipe again.

I'm going to be crawling off to bed fairly soon and hope that I'm doing better tomorrow.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Brighid's cross)
I called the VA office today and they said I needed to talk to the travel coordinator at the Seattle VA, which I will do next time I'm down at the hospital there. I might go down a few hours before my Irish class tomorrow and see if I can talk to someone in person. I tried calling the office, but the phone rang off the hook. There wasn't even a voice mail. Typical.

For several hours today, I felt very restless and anxious for no reason in particular. Nothing seemed to help much. It took a while for me to be able to focus enough to start working on pilgrimage stuff again - or anything else, for that matter. I printed out the notes for the opening and closing ritual and scribbled a few further notes on them. I took a look at Crossing the Circle at the Holy Wells of Ireland again and remembered why I have it on the foo shelf instead of the folklore shelf. *sigh* Way too much "Celtic tree astrology" crap in it.

I went over to the AFK for the Tuesday steampunk social, but was the only one in attendance. One person said he wasn't feeling well, and another who expressed some interest said it was a little far to go on short notice, so he'd probably be up next week. That was cool, because that meant I could spend my time there working on my notes. I did a fair bit of websurfing finding sites relevant to what I needed, and got a few texts from [livejournal.com profile] ogam, who wanted to know if there was going to be something next year at PantheaCon about the pilgrimage. I noted that [livejournal.com profile] joyful_storm wanted to propose a panel on pilgrimage, which sent him into the happy bear dance, but leavened that statement with the fact that PCon would have to actually approve the proposal for it to happen.

Much of what I was dealing with this evening were sites regarding the caves at Kesh Corran, which have a fair bit of mythic resonance with some of the themes we're dealing with during our journey. I also looked at different traditions regarding ritual at holy wells that are outside of the specifically Christian context and found some useful stuff.

The email list for the pilgrimage group is up though only a couple of posts have gone up yet. I should probably ask if folks want to do the opening ritual at the more well-known Brigid's well in Kildare, or the smaller, original well. I'm kind of leaning toward the original one, though we'll obviously want to visit both. Notes and outlining for the opening ritual are going well, though I haven't got a formal outline or anything of a script as yet. It won't be long or anything, but I do want to have something to work from beyond the scattered notes when we get there.

One of the things I'm considering doing on the pilgrimage is a dream incubation ritual for those who want to, after we've done our incubation ritual at Carrowkeel. It wouldn't have to be long or involved, just a small ritual to ask for dreams to follow up on anything we might have got from the incubation ritual. I'm guessing it would have a fair chance of kicking more loose, particularly for those who might have been on the edge of something but not got clear material at the incubation ritual itself. Having a night to sleep on it in a ritual fashion would probably be very useful for everyone with an interest, and will likely give more depth to everyone's experience. I think doing some work with different types of incubatory ritual would also be a useful experience.

I ran into CJ at the AFK tonight; she used to work there. She said she'd moved in with her fiancee recently, which means she's now living in the same condos that I am, in one of the other buildings. I told her she should drop by some afternoon if she has time, and we could watch a bad movie together or something. She's working two jobs now and hasn't a lot of time, but seems pretty pleased with life.

And I'm much more tired tonight than I had expected, so I'm going to crawl off to bed shortly.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (GIR likes FOOD!)
The DoDC+3 woke me again today, for which I was in equal measures annoyed and grateful. Annoyed because I was still tired, grateful because I'd been having a really nasty dream about a tv station on a military base running advertisements for Rohypnol, encouraging men to drug women's drinks so they'd be more pliable. Just what I needed, date-rape drug dreams. Lots of nasty complex awful things there.

Thankfully, the day itself was pretty good. I got down to Seattle and spent the afternoon with [livejournal.com profile] gra_is_stor, her roommate, his boyfriend, a mutual friend of ours and, later, the roommate's dad. There was good food and good conversation and good company, so I was down with that. Traffic wasn't too bad at all, but the rain did make visibility problematic, particularly on the way down into Seattle.

I helped out with kitchen stuff and moving things around and hauling a table and chairs. We watched an absolutely hilarious parody Lord of the Rings set as a 40's noir film with Humphrey Bogart, Orson Welles, Peter Lorre, Sidney Greenstreet, and Marlene Dietrich. I'm embedding it here, as it was pretty damned funny and if you haven't seen it yet, you might want to. It's about 9 minutes long.



Now, you must laugh.

I got home about 8:30 or so. I would have stayed later but I haven't been feeling well a lot lately and was pretty creaky by 7:30. I caught up with email and stuff and have put together things for turkey stock. I'll be making soup tomorrow and have the mixed legumes soaking. I'm sipping at a cup of decaf Ceylon tea and enjoying the wonderful smell of the turkey stock cooking.

I'm hoping that tonight I won't have dreams quite as surreally awful as last night's.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (writy typewriter keyboard)
I headed out shortly after I got up today for the AFK, where they have ethernet connections available and made myself ready to do battle with the download of iOS 5 for the iPad. I'd tried several times from home to do the download and got timed out, so I figured a hard connect would probably be more reliable. Sadly, the first attempt, even there, took a couple of hours and resulted in another timeout. While I was waiting and watching the microscopic crawl of the initial attempt, I worked on a new post for my Searching for Imbas blog.

One of my friends had a dream last night that featured yours truly, and the dream carried some strong resonances of a figure called Muirgeilt. As you might guess from the name, she would be of some interest to me -- geilt being the sort of sacred madness I've been researching because of Suibhne and the whole mad poet trope in Irish myth. Anyway, I wrote a post about Muirgeilt where I explore what was going on with the images in my friend's dream and talk about why they're significant. That took most of the time while I was waiting the first instance of the download.

Thankfully, the second attempt was over and done with inside of twenty minutes, so I've got the iPad updated with the new OS and we'll see whether that makes any genuine difference in my use. It's apparently added a bunch of stuff, but a lot of it I'm not inclined to use, given my primary focus on writing with a little websurfing from that platform.

While I was doing the updating stuff, I worked on expanding the Mandragora piece that I'd finished last week. This will be the third real draft of the essay and I got it up to 3613 words today before I sent it off to [livejournal.com profile] finnchuill. I think I hit all the things he was asking me to deal with or expand upon.

I'm going to see if I'm feeling up to driving down to Seattle tomorrow to see [livejournal.com profile] sebastian_lvx for chai, but my sinuses and my ears are off, and I may not be in much shape to be leaving the house. Coming down with a cold is never any fun, yet I do have to pick up some more valerian root and feverfew, and possibly something else for the cold, if I have a chance to talk with Leon. It's very frustrating, though I'll admit I've been pushing myself pretty hard of late. I'm starting to feel that hot ache in my joints that definitely says "you are getting sick." Staying home in bed most of the day may actually be the wiser choice for me tomorrow. We'll see what happens.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (It's raining)
I spent a good chunk of today over at Bj and SJ's place with [livejournal.com profile] herbmcsidhe finishing up the insane-making details of my DQ character for our upcoming game. I'm used to the GURPS buy things with these points type system. DQ does have a points based system as well, but it's put together very differently and Bj likes to use a spreadsheet system that leaves me thoroughly confused. Between the spreadsheet issues and Erynn's number-phobia, I was having a rather stressful time with the whole thing. I struggled through it all and the character will be fun to play, but it's a lot to go through when I've been stressing pretty hard to begin with lately. Rain all day for the trip out and back didn't help much either.

I finally got the issue with the HOA resolved. Yes, they put the check in the wrong account. I do still owe the money, but it wasn't actually the money for the special assessment, it was the money from the increase in the regular HOA dues. Complicated handwaving, but now things are set right and I'll just come up with it in two or three installments after the beginning of the year. I don't mind admitting when I've messed up (regular HOA messup), but I hate people blaming me for something I didn't actually do (nonpayment of special assessment). The amount is the same, but the actual cause being determined settled my mind about the whole thing. I'm not thrilled but I'm on board with it.

I discovered today why it is that the pocket watch isn't working properly. The tiny second hand at the bottom of the watchface sticks up just a little over the divot it's supposed to fit in and the hour hand gets caught on it, which stops everything. I need to take it in and have the ends bent down just enough that the hour hand will pass over them without catching, and that should fix everything just fine, rather than needing to have its innards messed about with again. Since I know exactly what's wrong and all it will take is unscrewing the crystal and having somebody with steady hands bend a teensy piece of metal, it shouldn't cost much. I doubt it will even take very much time, and there's a watch repair place just up the street across from the Fred Meyer, so I can maybe head over there tomorrow afternoon and see if they can do it for me then.

I'm angry that the Republicans (all but one of them) voted against the bill with the end of DADT in it. I'm not surprised. Bastards.

Thankfully, I don't have anything at all planned for tomorrow or Saturday. Sunday is my Brigid shift and the Shinto ceremony. Between the weather, the stress, and my body chemistry I've been feeling really down lately, but I'm hoping a couple of down days and maybe getting the watch fixed will help me feel a bit better.

Cut for odd dream. )

Feh

Nov. 22nd, 2009 06:42 pm
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Default)
Last night's dream featured me moving back to Greenfield, MA because it would be cheaper than Seattle. Except it wasn't the Greenfield that actually exists.

I'd rather have all my toenails pulled out than move back there. At least the pain would be over eventually.

Things like this remind me ever so strongly of how much I love the Seattle area and Puget Sound. I love my friends, the land, the water. I love the places I can go and the things I can do. I love the camping and the hiking. I love the rainforest and the mountains. I don't love the rain and the overcast months, but I do love the green it makes. I love the festivals and the art and the books and the restaurants and the music and the access to technology.

There is not one single thing I miss about New England that can't be remedied by somebody coming out here to visit me. Momentary fits of nostalgia aside, I would never go back. I couldn't stand to live there. I'm so glad I left and so happy that I ended up here.
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Default)
Manannán dreambits here )

dreambit

Apr. 17th, 2009 01:04 am
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Totem emerald moth)
dreambit here )
erynn: Gaelic merman image (cthulhu ONOES!)
I ain't goin' nowhere. We have about two inches of snow and it's still coming down hard, with no end in sight. No CR schmooze for me tonight.

Last night I had really strange dreams about Charlemont again. They happen from time to time. This time it was about the Deerfield river flooding and how it had left small streams running right next to the house I grew up in, stripping away the soil and leaving stone and boulders, undermining the house significantly. This, however, would necessitate a flood level of something like 150 feet above the usual high water mark for the river, given that we lived on top of a hill...

[livejournal.com profile] lwood -- the package arrived all safe and sound, thank you!
erynn: Gaelic merman image (xanphibian's all your books!)
I did a lot of reading while I was on the road and I intend to do reviews of the things I read. Some of it is relevant to the materials I'm gathering for the books on filidecht and on ogam and healing, others not so much.

One of the books I read early on in the road trip was Dream Yoga and the Practice of Natural Light )
erynn: Gaelic merman image (Brighid's cross)
I had a really odd dream last night about a Brighid order based out of a converted barn. It was run by people I didn't know. They were somewhat secretive at first, though eventually I was allowed inside the building. A wee bit more )

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